That lonely night in Tokyo is something thats not easy to get over , I couldn’t sleep even for a second , I tried everything watching sitcoms, listening to music, counting sheep, reading book ,messaging friends, facebook , nothing, I cant even shut my eyes for a minute! Nothing is worse than looking at the roof and counting hours alone in a very alienated place ! And it happened ! I got that fateful call at 3 AM in the morning , Is that some bad dream or is it for real ? “ did I hear it right! Is that why I cudnt sleep that whole night ?

I still feel like I heard that news wrong, It is not right to lose my loving cousin at such an young age , he cant vanish without any reason and without bidding good bye!

I am still sincerely waiting for someone to call me up any second now and explain that there was a huge mix-up, a big misunderstanding.

It is impossible to process what had happened. No it is not his time to leave so soon – he has such a loving family, supportive brother, bunch of cousins more like his friends and siblings , more than everything else beautiful smile of his 1 year old daughter.

It doesn’t make any sense to snatch him from our family without any pre warning. It is cliche ‘ but may be true “ Good people go to heaven soon” – but why ? When his life on earth barely started and it was already a paradise here ! Two lovely Angels were showering their love and affection right next to him ! All I want to know is one reason, so its easy for all of us to blame it on that ! But none of us could find one ! He was perfect and so was his life , but he still vanished in thin air !

In the past, I have lost my grandparents and aunts and uncles and it was devastating. Crushing. Heartbreaking. But there was comfort in the fact that they accomplished so much, they saw so much, they left so much behind.

But losing him makes me reevaluate my own life, my mortality, because my age isn’t that far off from his. Death is blind – does not mind if you are young or old, good or bad, rich or poor, healthy or sick , just will decide to swipe you off one day from where you belong ! Shift del – Boom, and no way to retrieve back !

Is this to test the strength of the family bonding ?? It is easy to say “ come fight with us – we are ready to take anything , we are strong together, but when reality hits, with one link broken we are all shattered !!!!

Now every Holiday , Every family meet , every get togethers will be very different without him. Now I cant send a hello message nor wait for his witty messages and photos, it is weird !

Sometimes it makes me feel like I need to start living more in order to honor him, in order to make sure that my life means something. But I might sound like a hypocrite, because at the same time, all I want to do is lock myself in my room and cry.

But, This is the promise I make to myself and on behalf of my family, we lost Someone physically , we all loved (and still love, will always love) with every ounce of our broken heart – But we didn’t lose the optimism and passion he carried in his life ! He taught us a big life lesson, live for the day and spread love as much as you can ! I cant go back and change anything, but I can shape up my future !

MAD Cousins will miss you Saravana Anna more than words can explain !